boys too young to be singing the blues
⌜ secrets can prove to be hard to hide—especially when you’ve got three stubborn friends that try to seek them out most ardently. ⌟
ଘ pairings: none establish (remus x sirius implied)
ଘ warnings: angst/self-hatred. mentions of self inflicted harm but its brief + vague! everyone’s stubborn — oh and name calling?
ଘ a/n: so i think they found out about remus’ secret like second year but for the sake of this story, they just found out 5th year ok :)
͜ ۫ ഒ ׅ
he was enraged, his cheeks had been embraced by a curtain of heat; down from his toes up to his furrowed brow, as his brisk steps tapped throughout the sorrowful room.
had he not trusted them? were their endeavors nothing more than a mere pastime to him whilst the lot branded the feat as the genesis of their brotherhood?
had their friendship meant nothing to the brunette? the frequent high jinks they so thoughtfully executed as though their masterpiece—born from blood, sweat, and tears—diluted down to an acquaintanceship.
had he not trusted him?
that one hurt.
he had been angry beyond belief, the intensity so grand it burned holes in his throat—screams strangled before they could even depart from his larynx. his palms had been slashed open by his own pincers as he clawed away his vexation.
perhaps it was a form of penitence that had stemmed from his own feeling of unworthiness? unworthiness that had been deemed by—
he shook away the notion as his vision obscured—liquid blotches melting away the three boys before him. two with their heads hung low, their legs ricocheting off the wooden floor in such haste, you’d believe the earth beneath them were parting at the fault.
his own pulse matched the speed of their beat to a T.
the third boy, laid on his bed. his long limbs sprawled lazily across the mattress, body bathed in sweat whilst cavernous lesions littered his living corpse with adhesives placed callowly atop.
the sight, however, diminished his earlier peril. the crimson spirit no longer possessed him. instead, it’s dejected relative whisked it’s way through his heart as his sage trotted down the ladder of grief.
his heavy steps came to a halt, his mouth parting as he fought his own contemplations, each one justifying its place as they brawled to debut first— wanting to exemplify the level of indignation the raven head felt.
“funny, lily’s fish does the exact same expression” the bespectacled friend joked, a tired grin danced on his lips and he copied his features; mouth ajar and eyes wide.
now he was livid again.
“not now, potter” the boy grumbled
at this, the brunette straightened. he shot a look toward the two other boys, the blond simply shrugging his shoulders as the wounded boy remained oblivious toward his movement.
his eyebrow quirked, “oi, pulling out the government names now are we?”
sirius shook his head, pacing about the room once again, the muscle in his jaw ticked as he ground his teeth together,
“i said not now”
james sighed, muttering out a small “bloke” as he sagged in his chair once more, his head lulling back to rest upon the pillar of his bed. however, before he could allow himself to fall into a quick slumber, a cushion connected with his face, jolting him awake.
“what the bloody hells the matter with you?!” he shoots
sirius stares back, his fingernails digging into his injured palms once again, nose flaring and chest heaving “oh apologies, mate” black seethes through clenched teeth, “perhaps the seriousness of the situation hasn’t fully hit you has it!”
peter perked up at that, mouth agape and pointing at sirius as he prepared to jeer a “siriusness” joke at him.
sirius spun to him, his icy glare freezing the blond in his spot, “pettigrew make the joke and i won’t hesitate to sock you out, i swear to godric i’ll do it”
the friend squeaked as james reached out for him, pushing his hunched figure behind him as he sized up sirius, chests heaving. james cocks his head to the side, his fingers involuntarily itching the air by his pocket trousers.
this catches sirius’ eye. the boy scoffs, rolling his eyes as he takes a step back. james eyes him warily, his left hand still placed behind him signaling pettigrew to keep his distance.
tongue in cheek, sirius turns back towards james, a small smirk present on his lips, “you gonna hex me, potter?”
a step forward.
one step back.
james blinks, disbelief washing over him as his cautious stance falters. his mouth opens, ready to defend himself, but no advocacy falls from his lips.
how dare he accuse him of something like that?
what right did he have to do that?
“that what you think of me is it?” james laughed sardonically, “think i’d pull my wand out at you, hm?”
one step back.
one step forward.
“james” a voice warned, but it was dry and small enough to ignore, so he did just that
“maybe i should” he inched forward, “for old times sake, whaddya say?”
sirius’ leg hit the face of his trunk, stumbling back his hands caught themselves on the pillars that fenced in his bed. with a growl he let out, “finish your monologue, potter. c’mon tosser, wouldn’t want to leave your audience in anticipation, would you?”
at that james stepped back, his eyes cast around the room. he saw peter and remus—who had propped himself onto his right elbow with a painful grunt—staring at the pair in bewilderment.
how had the situation escalated so fast?
sirius took this as an opportunity to level himself, surging forward he pushed himself up, then pushed james back by his shoulders.
“what’s the matter? if you wanna act like a clown, you deserve an audience don’t you think?” his hands gesture towards the duo huddled in the corner.
with the help of peter, remus limps to his feet and heaves out a tired sigh, “both of you” he reprimands, “quit acting like blithering idiots”
yeah, now he’s officially seeing red—and it’s not just the decor in their gryffindor dorm.
“oh we’re acting like blithering idiots?! for godric’s sake moony” sirius’ hands shoots out, wildly motioning up and down at remus’ injured state, “look at what you’ve kept from us!”
remus huffs, a lopsided humorless smile plastered on his features, “been doin’ this a while sirius, there’s hardly any need for you guys to cause a scene…”
james scoffs from his seat, hands intertwined as he shakes his head, curls bouncing around, “you know rem, you may be academically advanced, but you’re a right foul daft bloke, you know that?”
remus narrowes his eyes, turning towards peter to share a look of disbelief.
he doesn’t receive one back.
instead, he’s met with a sullen face and glossy eyes. remus shrinks back.
peter, whose hardly ever shown an opinionated mind for fear of rejection, has now casted a disapproving frown upon remus’ antics.
the coffee haired brunette now realized the seriousness of the situation, the weight of his treason. because that’s what it was to them, he figured. by not telling them of his moon induced peril, he had deemed them unworthy of his trust—when that hadn’t been the case, at all.
he was terrified.
terrified that the burden of them knowing would lead to the trio getting hurt by his involuntary actions his wolf persona arose… and he just couldn’t handle that.
he couldn’t go on knowing his friends—no, his brothers—were in danger because of him. rather he take on his wolf freight alone than involve his loved ones.
“it doesn’t concern you guys” remus growls because now, now he’s pissed off, “this is my situation to handle, my problem, and because it’s my problem i’ll solve it”
he makes to move towards the door, stopping to cast a glare at the three boys, “alone”
this sets off sirius, but this sets him off at the assailant of his anger. sirius grips remus’ bicep, his frustration igniting his magic as it crackles around the pair—the anger and fear radiating off the two molding together in the space between them as it kisses and neutralizes to a negative.
“like hell you will”, remus attempts to pull away to which sirius responds with a harsh squeeze, “we’re your family and unless we’ve misinterpreted our fucking bond, lupin”, he sneers, “you’re gonna let us help you, git”
james stands diagonally behind sirius, hands shoved in his pockets and chin turned towards the ceiling with peter alongside him; the blondes left hand rested on one of the beds pillars, in attempt to block remus. the pair sporting the same vexed expression, daring their lycanthropic friend to barrel past them.
remus stares the three down, breaking the trance as he feels his tears prick his eyes. his breaths slow as he drops his head towards the floor, nodding slowly as softly mutters an apology.
sirius’ eyes soften, “hey no, c’mon mate” he pulls remus’ free hand, colliding their bodies as he brings them into a warm embrace.
james watches the interaction with a tearful gaze, licking his lips and clearing his throat, he croaks out a laugh as he moves to pat remus’ shoulder lovingly, “you’re mad, lupin. truly, moon boy… sooo dramatic”
remus chokes out a laugh, putting some distance between him and sirius, “moon boy?”
“yeah, your new nickname!”
he grimaces at that, “that’s horrid”
“well, what’re we supposed to call you then, genius? can’t expect us to dwindle our talents down to just call you by your name, do you… moonster?” he furrows his brows, testing out the name
sirius shoves james, gagging at the name, “are these words actually coming out of your mouth?”
“it’s not that bad, mate!” james defends, his head hurting from racking his brain for names
remus cocks an eyebrow, tongue in cheek, “no offense mate but i’d rather shit in my hands and clap than be called that”
james huffs, sputtering out a “whatever” as he turns to stalk about the room, pondering on a name for them to settle on.
a clap captures their attention and peter and remus snap their heads towards sirius who’s now garnered their attention, “on to more important business”
a small “this is important, wanker” can be heard in the background but they don’t pay it any mind.
“let’s talk our roles in helping wolf boy here” he points his thumb at remus, “we gotta get him to a point out of the castle undetected”
remus feels a tug at his heart, a twinge of guilt pulling his aortas strings, but he stops the feeling before it can mutate into anything larger.
no they want to help, he tried to stop them.
“wolf boy” james scoffs from the other side of the dorm, “that’s not even witty! leave it to me would you”
“anyway, we could conjure up some sort of contraption of whatever sort to tell us where everyone’s whereabouts are in the castle” sirius explained with wide eyes, “that way we’d know when to sneak you out, moons”
“moons…? not bad but it’s still not right…” james wondered out loud, his digits ruffling his hair as he continued his search
remus bit his lip, “alright i’ll bite, say we do this” he locks eyes with sirius, “what if i don’t know, your favorite professor ms. mogonagall catches us with it”
sirius let’s out a groan, running his fingers down his face and rolling his eyes at remus, “what then huh, sirius”
“you wound me, remy, you really do. don’t you think i’ve thought of that already?”
“moon boy… moons… plus remy… moon….y?” james whispers
“we enchant the damn parchment, for our eyes only! that way when another confiscates it, godric forbid it happen, they’ll think it’s nothing but a prank from us” sirius exclaims naturally, slapping remus’ back
remus sighs, mulling the concept over as sirius rushes back to their huddle with parchment and quills, jotting their ideas down in hopes of organizing his jumbled thoughts.
james stalks over, a pep in his step as he attempts to conceal his smirk.
“so it’s basically a map, meant for our eyes only…” questions peter, “like we’re some sort of band of pirates?”
sirius quirks up at that, “not pirates but i like that, like we’re some group of bandits on the run with a map”
“how fitting” remus rolls his eyes, “bandits with a pirates map”
sirius sucks his teeth, “now we’ve lost the plot, bandits makes us sound like tossers. we’ll keep the map part, bandits and pirates are out”
remus throws his head back with a groan, “so what like a marauders map?”
the other three still.
something about the label seemed fitting; the lot would be roaming about the castles grounds in search for a plunder, or in their case, a point to stash remus till his moon triggered terror finished playing out.
their silence had remus shooting his head back up as he eyed the group with a questioning look, “what”
“nothing” sirius responds with a small smile, “s’good name that’s all”
at the top of his drafted outline, sirius jotted down,
𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝔪𝔞𝔯𝔞𝔲𝔡𝔢𝔯𝔰 𝔪𝔞𝔭
a moment passes before james moves towards sirius, swings his arm over his shoulder as he stares at the draft, “got the name of the first member for you to add, sirius”
sirius rolls his eyes, humoring him, “oh yeah, what’ll it be james?”
the corner of the brunettes lips lift, his smirk big as he eyes a certain furry friend of his,
“mooney”
͜ ۫ ഒ ׅ
hope that wasn’t too she said, he said lmao
